


i hope you know (that i love you)

by reylofics



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Abrupt Ending, Angst, Assisted Suicide, Character Death, Falling In Love, M/M, My First Fanfic, The Death Cure, The Death Cure Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-03-08 21:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13467390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylofics/pseuds/reylofics
Summary: my take on the most heartbreaking scene between newt and thomas in the death cure.





	i hope you know (that i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> after about a week of reading happy newtmas fics (and one that made me cry out of pure sadness), i decided to “write” an angsty! newtmas fic purely for my own entertainment. but hey, some comments/kudos would also be greatly appreciated! please also note that i’ve rewritten (sort of) that one scene from the death cure entirely from my own memory—forgive me if some parts of this work aren’t accurate!
> 
> * trigger warning of assisted suicide in minor detail at the end.

Thomas had been left alone with Newt, whose body had been mildly struck by the blinding light of the sun.

But it wasn’t Newt that he had been left with. As far as he could tell, Thomas had been left with nothing but a shadow in the presence of the friend that he had once confided in everything. Its eyes were blank, completely devoid of the shining lights that had shone brighter than ever when Thomas managed to make him laugh during their time in the Glade. 

He really had to get his head out of the clouds. That was in the past. They were in the now, and all Thomas could focus on was the fact that the friend he loved seemed nowhere to be found.

Cautiously, Thomas took one step closer towards the shadowy figure. Here, in his new perspective, he saw the light hitting the shadow perfectly, illuminating Newt’s perfect face. He looked so perfect even if he wasn’t necessarily himself. All at once, Thomas saw everything perfect in Newt, everything that had drawn him towards the scrawny boy since that day when he arrived up in the rusty metal box from the ground.

“I—,” Thomas choked out. The words he wanted to say failed to squirm their way out of his throat and Thomas just stood there. Completely speechless and at loss for words.

He knew that the tiny bit of Newt that was still fighting for control of his own twisted mind understood what he was trying to say, though. Physically, Thomas saw nothing but a shadow that resembled his first friend in front of him. Yet somewhere, somehow, he also saw Newt—his Newt—staring right back at him. His chest heaved quickly and his heart was beating at an achingly slow rate. He couldn’t stand the fact that he was losing his best friend.

Finally, Thomas spoke, the letters scratching the back of his throat while he spoke. “Newt?”

The shadowy figure of a boy narrowed its eyes at Thomas, almost as if it were unsure of what to say. After a moments pause, the figure tilted its head back and laughed. Only, it was nothing like had Thomas had ever heard before. The laugh sounded something like a scratched, broken record—like it had been practiced over and over again until it had been deemed perfect. This wasn’t the Newt that Thomas knew. Was his Newt completely gone? For the first time in his life, Thomas didn’t know what to do. Thomas lost control of his mind, his thoughts, and his actions when it started to run towards him. All hell broke loose and for all he knew, it could’ve all happened in a second, a minute, or even a few minutes. It was all a blur when he looked back on it. Quickly, he reached for the gun in his holster but something caused him to stop right in his tracks.  
Newt was back. It was just for a brief while, but the small light in his eyes was enough to make Thomas draw back his threatening hand. In that moment, Thomas hated himself. He wanted nothing more than for everything to return to the way it was before the Scorch Trials, before the Maze, before WCKD. All he wanted was for Newt to be okay. But he wasn’t. Newt was anything but okay. The scrawny boy broke down in a matter of seconds. Thomas’ friend was sobbing but not crying. His breath came out ragged and broken, but the tears he wanted to cry failed to fall from his bloodshot eyes.

“Do it,” he whispered. Newt clenched his eyes tightly shut and when nothing happened, he opened his mouth like he was stealing the Earth’s last bit of oxygen. His eyes widened, looking almost maniacal as the other part of himself fought to regain control. Then, his eyes softened and he just looked sad. “Do it before I become one of them.” Thomas started to cry, his face crunching up into a ball of emotions. He tried to talk. Yet again, the words failed to come. His hand rested on the hip of the holster but he was frozen in place. Time almost seemed to stop and all he knew was that he couldn’t do it. Looking into the eyes of Newt, Thomas only saw the good-natured, foul-mouthed boy that had helped him when no one else had. He saw the boy who blushed softly with every tight embrace that he gave him as reassurance when safely coming back from the Maze with Minho. He also saw the boy who said nothing when Teresa arrived and kept his distance from Thomas when she was around. Through the good and the bad, Thomas saw it all. Thomas saw Newt. Somewhere inside the mind of the shadowy figure, Newt was there. He was a small dot in the swarm of the shadow’s buzzing thoughts. Still, Newt knew that Thomas loved him. And maybe he loved him, too? But his thoughts were all mixed up and his only concern was fighting to stay in control, thought it didn’t seem worth it. Maybe he loved Thomas and maybe he didn’t. 

None of that would matter when he turned. 

“Please,” Newt gasped out in the few breaths he was able to control, “Tommy, please.”

He said nothing else, just stared into Thomas’ eyes and hoped that he would take him away from all this insanity. In his delusion, Newt (or maybe it was the shadow’s dark thoughts that were messing with him) even hoped that Thomas would take him away and that he would be Cured. At this point, it would never happen. He was too far gone. Tears fled down Thomas’ cheeks. 

“Newt, I hope you know—,” sobbed Thomas. Crying harder than he ever had in his entire life, he pulled the gun out of its holster and held it to Newt’s head.

“I know.”

Thomas pulled the trigger and Newt fell like a twisted corpse to the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. comments and/or kudos would be appreciated on my first! fic, and as always, i love you all. xx
> 
> (update: this was originally written on january 24th, 2018 but i have since rewritten some parts of the story.)


End file.
